The future. The very thought of it scares me to no end. "But wwwwwwhy?!" I hear my one of my few constant blog readers ask. "Wwwwwwwwhy are you scared of the future?! It's so big and shiny and bright and beautiful an-" stop right there, me pretending to be one of my few constant blog readers, I shall tell you. I fear the future because:
1.) All the 'dream jobs' I have considered over the years are often thought to be 'unrealistic' and 'difficult to achieve' by a lot of people and I often get some funny looks and raised eyebrows when I try to discuss them. Even when I was younger my head was in the clouds regarding careers (actually, come to think of it, who didn't want to be a time-travelling superhero car when they were younger?). The career I'm determined at succeeding in is music. Yes, the beauty of music and its amazing ability to control your feelings, your opinions, your actions. I'd like to quote Emma, a great friend of mine, to sum up my feelings exactly "It's one of those things that just matters to you SO much. Have you ever just got so caught up in a song and you're nothing but pure emotion? And it all wells up inside you and you feel ecstatic because THIS is what you want to do and you love it. Almost proud." I just want to be a part of creating something beautiful, something wondeful and that's all I want to do. I just want to inspire others in a similar fashion to the way I have been inspired! Is there something wrong with that? Why couldn't I do this?
2.) I haven't got a plan. I seem to be the only person in our group at school without one. Here's an example of typical conversation when the topic is mentioned: "Oh, I'm going to St. Snotworth's School Of Higher Excellence to study Twattery. What about you, David?" "Eh...". It's actually quite difficult being the only one of all my friends without some big plan which'll kick start and take effect as soon as I leave school. I hope that this is merely down to the fact that I have simply not done enough research. Bottom line: it's scary.
3.) My big fear of failure. Yeah. What if I fall flat on face, broke, alone, fat, aged 45, surrounded by thousands of cats? Shouting at pigeons in a local park would be one of my favourite activites. I, like any sane person, do NOT want this to happen to me, but there's always a chance of it happening if I pursue the careers I'm interested in. Then again, I could excell at the careers I'm interested in. It's a big decision to make.
So, me pretending to be one of my few constant blog readers, that is why I fear the future. Who knows, maybe this time next year I'll feel a little different about it. Maybe. Then again, I might not. God damn the unpredictability of the future! :P
(P.S. if you'd like to read Emma's fantastic response to this post, click here.)
2 comments:
I was in exactly the same position as you two years ago. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but I had no idea how I was supposed to do it and whether or not I had the balls to go for it, despite the risks.
As girly and Hallmark-ish as it may sound, just trust your heart. If you're doing what you really want to do in life, then everything else can be worked out. You only live once.
Sorta makes me feel 'chained by the system' since I have this all planned. :P
Great post man!
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